The Final Post

I think I've attempted this final post about thirty times.  As I'm sure you can understand, closing down the blog means the end of a very large part of our lives over the past 18 months.  It still doesn't seem real that Dad is gone.  It was made more real on Thanksgiving when there wasn't the need for family to sit up at the island as there wasn't enough room at the big table, because there was.

Christmas and birthdays are now coming up - yet another opportunity for us to realize that a critical member of our family is no longer with us.  Dad loved Christmas, and was the biggest kid when it came to wanting to open up presents early, and to go overboard with the grandkids.

We are all doing our best to move forward.  The paperwork and process alone is exhausting.  Learning just how much is out there that needs to be changed over to just Mom's name, or figuring out if all of the planning that went into the final days was enough, and the cards and letters that continue to flow in. . .

The first snowstorm of the season hit Omaha last weekend, and no fewer than four of the neighbors in Elkhorn called Mom to make sure she didn't need anything.  They scooped the driveway, brought up the paper and the mail, and just checked in regularly.  A heartfelt thank you for that.

To go back to early November, the service at Ft. McPherson was very nice.  While we had fewer family members there than anticipated (due to the storm pushing out the service several days), it was a beautiful day.  Dad's final resting spot is just four down from his very good friend Rich Rea.  I feel Dad would be smiling at that news.

For those unable to make the service, I put together a slideshow of the way we want to remember Dad:

http://gallery.mac.com/marydillon#100425

Thanks for following us through this journey.  Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and be sure to stay in touch.

Love,

Mary and the Dillon Family

New Service Time at Ft. McPherson - 2:30 Wednesday November 4th

We have rescheduled the services at Ft. McPherson.  They will now be at 2:30PM tomorrow (Wednesday) November 4th.  We will be driving in from Omaha, and then returning the same day.

The weather forecast looks much more amenable for the trip out tomorrow than it showed on Friday.  Look forward to seeing some of you there, although the crowd will likely be significantly less as many family members and friends are no longer in the state to join us.

Snowed In (out) of Ft. McPherson

2 feet of snow on the ground and a closed interstate changed our plans this morning.  We will reschedule the burial for next week once the weather clears in Western Nebraska.  I'll let you know when the services will be once we know more, probably on Monday when we talk to the Ft. McPherson staff.

More on the service this weekend; watching weather for the burial tomorrow

All,

An overwhelming day with the funeral mass and the wake service last night.  One final part remains - the burial at Ft. McPherson.  It seems the weatherman is throwing us a bit of a curve ball, predicting up to a foot of snow in the North Platte area.  We will be checking the weather in the morning before deciding if we will keep our 2:30 service or postpone until next week.

Right now, we are still "on" for the service, but may need to cancel due to weather reasons.

Obituary and final arrangements for Ft. McPherson Friday

Roger L. Dillon
Roger L. Dillon, 65, of Omaha, formerly of North Platte, passed away Oct. 20, 2009. Our loving husband, father, and grandfather has lost his brave 17 month battle with brain cancer. We will miss his enthusiasm for life, his ability to light up the entire room, and the way he would drop everything to help someone. His joy in life was his family, especially his four grandchildren that he loved dearly. He spent 38 1/2 years working at Union Pacific and has enjoyed retirement since 2001. He is survived by his wife of 44 years, Jan; daughters, Tracy (Rich) Huff of Omaha, Mary of Portland, Ore,; four grandchildren, Dillon, Emily, Sam, and Kaitlyn Huff; sisters, Cathy (Doug) Lamberty, Gloria (Don) Piper of North Platte; brothers, Mike (Jodi) Dillon of Lincoln, Larry Dillon of Grand Island; mother-in-law, Maxine Jennings of Lincoln; brothers-in-law, Steve Dent of North Platte, Mike (Cindy) Dent of Redding, Calif.; sister-in-law, Nancy (Keith) Rudeen of Overton; and many nieces and nephews, and many, many wonderful friends. Roger was preceded in death by his parents, Lawrence and Judy Dillon. He will be greatly missed by his family and those fortunate enough to have known him. Visitation with family will be on Wednesday from 6-8 p.m., with a wake service at 7 p.m., at the John A. Gentleman Pacific Street Chapel in Omaha. Memorial Mass will be on Thursday at 1 p.m., at St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church in Omaha. Burial will be on Friday at 2:30 p.m., at the Fort McPherson National Cemetery near Maxwell. In lieu of flowers, memorials are suggested to the Make a Wish Foundation of Nebraska, an organization close to Roger's heart.

We are well fed, and getting ready for the service

Thanks to you all for bringing everything from homemade banana bread to sloppy joes to spare ribs/corn/potatoes. . .and that's just been in the past few days. We are lined up to receive meals through Tuesday, and are eyeing the treadmill downstairs with a bit more guilt after the wonderful homemade cooking we've been gifted. Such a nice gesture, thank you.

We have finalized on the obituary, and it will run in the Omaha World Herald Tuesday and Wednesday this week. It will also run Sunday and Tuesday in the NP Telegraph. What a horrible way to spend an evening: writing an obituary. I couldn't even read through it yesterday when we were finalizing it before sending it to the mortuary. This is going to be a hard week.

The kids continue to make us cry with their questions and comments, but we are so thankful to have them around. Last night, Emily said, "Auntie, do you think Grandpa is laying on a cloud next to Grandpa Bill?" (Grandpa Bill is my grandfather who passed in March of this year). And Sam this morning -- "Auntie, when will Grandpa be back in the hospital so we can see him?"

We don't make it far without Kleenex in our pockets right now.

We also finalized on Dad's memorial. We selected (or actually Dad did through his actions and words) that in lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to the Make A Wish Foundation of Nebraska. It was an organization close to Dad's heart, and that I used to volunteer there as a wish granter, I know how much donations mean to them. The information will be available at the wake service Wednesday, but here is the information for those unable to make it:

Make-A-Wish Foundation^® of Nebraska

nebraska.wish.org

11926 Arbor Street¸ Suite 102
Omaha, NE 68144

Sometimes kids say it better than adults

The unenviable job fell to Tracy and Rich today to tell the kids about Grandpa's going to Heaven. Their reactions brought the house down.

Dillon wrote the letter to the left. Tears.

Both Dillon and Emily wanted to write notes to Grandpa, and tie them on a balloon so they make it up to him in Heaven. Then Emily, ever the logical one, said: "Hopefully it gets up there before a bird swoops in and pops the balloon."

Sam (age 3) said: "When I'm 18, I'm going to get a van and drive to Heaven and bring Grandpa back to you, Mom."

We had a good evening with the kids, and dinner from Dottie (thanks!). It had been a while since all of them had been out here, so the first step towards accepting the change is underway.

The day was very difficult - a lot of phone calls, visitors, deliveries, and emails sent in support. All we can say is Thank You. We always knew that Dad was an incredible man. It seems that you all felt the same about him. He will be sorely missed.

Services are being finalized

Thank you all for the outpouring of love and support in the past 12 hours. We are humbled, and overwhelmed, with all of the friends and family extending their condolences.

The family is hanging in there, relieved that Dad has finally been released from the fight of his life. A lot of phone calls, arrangements, and planning begins.

As the norm dictates (seems like every challenge came during a holiday, a vacation for a doctor, or on the weekend when there was limited staff), Dad's priest that he really connected with, Father Dan, is on vacation and out of the area until next Tuesday night. So we are planning the following, as we'd like Father Dan to perform the funeral Mass for Dad:

Wednesday, October 28th

Rosary 7:00PM

John A. Gentleman Mortuary

14151 Pacific Street

Omaha, NE 68134

Thursday, October 29th

Funeral Mass 1:00PM

St. Vincent de Paul Church

14330 Eagle Run Drive

Omaha, NE 68164

(located between Blondo and Maple Streets on 144th St)

Friday, October 30th

Full military funeral honors burial

Ft. McPherson Cemetery - Time TBD (details pending, but likely mid-afternoon)

12004 S Spur 56A

Maxwell, NE

For those coming in from out of town, we can recommend the Hilton Garden Inn on 180th and Dodge Street. It's near Village Point Shopping Center, with good restaurants and close to just about everything. Address: 17879 Chicago Street.

Dad has found peace. The fight is over.

It's beyond difficult for me to deliver this news, but we lost Dad around 6:30PM tonight. His color had been changing and his breathing had changed most of the afternoon. He went very quietly, and was very comfortable in the final hour. It was just me, Mom, and Tracy in the room and it was very quiet.

He has found his peace that we've been praying for, and I look forward to hearing the reason why God took such a good man so early. He must have had something special planned for him.

Starting to decline further

Dad now has hiccups all the time, and is very congested. His coloring has changed for the worse in the past hour or two, and we really don't feel like this will last much longer. As hard as this is, we just want him to find peace after an incredibly hard-fought battle.

They've started a bunch of new medications to keep him comfortable (steroids, hiccup medicine, stronger doses of pain meds and higher dose of ativan). We think we'll all be staying up here tonight.

Thanks to Dee and Marlin for the great sloppy joes. I brought them up to Brookestone, and shared them with everyone in the room. And then thanks to Bill and Shirley for going home and turning off the crock pot that I had left on in the kitchen.

I will be updating the blog this evening as anything changes.

Pretty comfortable night, hiccups interrupted me more than him

My praise for Brookestone continues. They have set aside a family room (which is a full room, with a bed and recliner and bathroom) for families, which pretty much means us right now. It gives us a place to go rest, to talk on the phone without bothering others, and. . .drumroll please. . .get a shower after a night of not much sleep. I feel like a new person, and I'm sure you are all going to appreciate that as well if you're visiting today.

Dad doesn't seem as comfortable the past several hours, so we're working to get him in a new position and get his discomfort back to a lower level like we had it last night. He seems to like being on his back best, and definitely calms down when he gets settled into that. They're likely going to increase the oxyfast (morphine) this morning as well, as he just doesn't seem to be completely comfortable. And his reaction to having his VERY sore neck moved to face another direction was AWFUL -- and with all of that morphine on board now, that just really must hurt him.

He's had the hiccups several times tonight/this morning. Just between two and seven hiccups in a row, and then no more. But wow, those are loud and disruptive hiccups. They agitate him some, so we're always glad when they're over. He's also getting some congestion in his lungs, as he's not able to clear them with coughing.

Now waiting for his new doctor to come in to see how things are going, and likely adjust medications some to keep him resting.

A few of us are on the countdown to dinner for the famous 4th of July sloppy joes, courtesy of the Nelson's in Ralston.

And a quick story from Granddaughter Emily's pre-school conferences yesterday. She goes to a preschool that is run by Tracy and my first grade teacher, and it's in a church. Well, they went around the circle to ask what they'd like to pray for, and Emily, sweet, sweet Emily (who is 4) said: "I'd like to pray for Grandpa to get better."

That story brought the house down and looking for Kleenex yesterday.

Comfortable, "hours to days" left

We had a much better day with keeping Dad comfortable, which is much more comfortable for all of us in the room.

We moved over to hospice care today with the Visiting Nurses Association, which has the ONLY palliative care expert in Omaha on staff. This is a doctor whose sole purpose is to make someone comfortable at the end of life. This level of stress was reduced from the minute they walked into the room. It's the response we were hoping for. They've ordered regular pain meds (in the morphine "family", but one that hopefully reduces the itching that Dad was experiencing as a side effect of the medication), anti-seizure medication that has a sedating effect, and a direct line to get orders changed in the middle of the night or on the weekend. (It's Dr. Sauer if you are looking for him - we cannot say enough about him, and we only met him this afternoon). The doctor will be up DAILY to see Dad and talk to us. Color us impressed.

Yet more visitors today from neighbors, former co-workers, and family that came bringing the sugar that we all need to keep going :) -- including a gigantic basket of chocolate, hard candy, and kleenex from Mike and Jody (Dad's brother and sister-in-law) and yet another basket of goodness from John (my former English teacher and now good friend). The nursing staff both loves us and hates us for the open invitation to come in and go "trick or treating" in Dad's room.

I did get Mom to agree to go home for some rest tonight. She was ready for bed at 6:30PM, and hopefully is able to just go to sleep soon. I'm going to stay up here tonight with Dad in his room for that ever-watchful eye on making sure he stays comfortable. The nursing staff has been great, and I can say that he really does look and act a lot more comfortable since Hospice took over and got a bit more aggressive on his comfort care.

The doctor told us today that we're looking at "hours to days" for Dad. He said that he has started the end of life process with changes in his breathing, some circulation changes in his extremities, and general unresponsiveness. He said that the rapid decline will likely continue, but there is no way to truly know as Dad is still a young guy and has a very strong will to fight to the end.

This is such a brutal experience, but the outpouring of support from family, friends, and the medical community --- we just can't thank you all enough. It's so obvious that you all care for Dad so much.

Similar to last night, no major change this morning

Already had a stream of visitors this morning. Cousins Aimee and Wade brought up a box of LaMars donuts, which went over well in the room. Felt bad that Dad couldn't join us for a sugar fix, as he was in quite a habit of "donut runs" at HyVee grocery store before his last admission to the hospital.

Hospice will be in today - we're not sure what time yet. Will look to keep Dad here at Brookestone to avoid the disruption for both him and the family.

He is still having his unstable breathing, seems a bit restless. They're alternating morphine and ativan to keep him comfortable. The nurses do not feel he is in pain, and that this is all part of the process as his body shuts down.

The best neighbors a person could ask for, Bev and Gene, came up this morning. Such great support for the entire family, but particularly for Mom. You all should be vying for the lot next to them - it's still open.

Finally seems somewhat comfortable

After several doses of morphine, some ativan, tylenol (for the fever), and a hot water bottle around his neck, Dad seems to be fairly comfortable. It was a very long day getting him that way, however.

We've had a lot of visitors today, and we're quite thankful for all of you. I think we're on box #3 of Kleenex, despite thinking that after finishing drying the tears the last time there won't be enough left to cry again today. We've been proven wrong each time someone new walks in to show their support.

Mom is staying up there tonight. Cathy (Dad's sister) and Doug are staying with me in Elkhorn tonight. Likely will be a rather short night as I want to get back up there tomorrow morning with breakfast for Mom, and to see how the night went.

We all cannot believe how much Dad has declined, even in the past 24 hours. It's really hard to see him clearly wanting something (to be turned, a mouth swab, some pain medication) as he's not answering us with hand squeezes anymore. He is still holding your hand when you put your fingers in his, though, which is very sweet.

I'll likely put up another post tomorrow morning after getting the report from tonight.

Still working to get him comfortable

What a difference 12 hours makes. He seems quite a bit more agitated, exhibiting Cheyne-Stokes breathing (where he takes decreasingly deep breaths until he has apnea for about 15 seconds), and is very fidgety and restless. He's had two doses of morphine, and then one of ativan. It calms him down for about 30 minutes or so, and then it kicks back in.

We can't determine if he's in pain or just restless - inconclusive based on his reaction to the medications. We are working closely with the medical team to get him comfortable as quickly as possible.

Mom is going to stay up here tonight. I'm trying to get her to go home for a few hours to get her things together, but so far no luck.

We've had a steady stream of visitors today. Dad's closest friends and family have been in, and we expect more this evening as they arrive in from out of town.

Starting morphine to get him more comfortable

Mom just talked to the nurse at Brookestone. The decline has continued, and Dad is no longer taking water or medication. He seems to be a bit uncomfortable, so they're going to start him on some morphine to make him more comfortable.

Based on the nurse with 32 years of experience, she felt that since he stopped taking water and medication, and just how he's acting, we're not looking at much longer. Probably 72 hrs or so was her guess, but he could make it longer.

We now pray for peace for Dad and that he can stay comfortable in the final leg of this journey with a brain tumor that wasn't invited, and that he fought like hell to get rid of for 18 months.

Grandma and Uncle Steve are on their way up to Omaha now, and we'll be up at Brookestone shortly.

More of the same, getting harder to understand

Spend a good part of the early afternoon with Dad today. He was a bit more restless today, especially this afternoon. He really can't turn himself or change position, so I think part of it was he wanted a different angle to sleep in.

His left side is pretty much non-responsive at this point, so they have to be careful of how they position him. With his voice so soft, and really anything that he tries to say coming out garbled (to the point that we just cannot understand him at all), we've resorted to trying to guess what he needs, and then ask him yes/no questions (squeeze our hand once for "yes" - two times for "no") until we try to figure out what he'd like. It's really hard.

He's not eating (drinking) much at all. Trying to get him to drink anything requires him sitting straight up in the hospital bed, so that if doesn't swallow right away (which happens quite a bit), it can come out of his mouth instead of down into his lungs.

He seemed ever-so-slightly more alert today in that he wasn't in a deep sleep, but definitely didn't open up his eyes or start talking. We had more visitors today (thanks, everyone!), which really means a lot that you come up even though Dad really can't interact or engage in the conversation. He's still in there, he just can't take part right now, so your visits and talking with him or with others in the room helps him a lot. And it helps Mom and the rest of the family by offering some respite from the thought of needing to be up there all day.

Huskers had a brutal loss -- really glad that Dad didn't see that one. I wish I would have slept through that game.

I'm off to a sleepover with the kiddos -- which means I'll be up early for "Auntie's Special French Toast" and some Looney Tunes before heading up to see Dad. More later tomorrow.

All cleaned up, lots of sleeping

Made it back to Omaha this evening. Dad looked better than he did on Tuesday night, probably because they had shaved him and changed his linens. He didn't really open his eyes, but did realize I was there, and tried to talk to me a bit. I couldn't really understand him as he was talking so softly, but when asked some "yes" or "no" questions, we were able to communicate.

Lots of visitors coming up, which is really nice. Thank you. The support you all have offered to the Dillons these past several months have been exceptional, and we hope to be able to repay you someday. They say that you know who your true friends are when things get rough -- well, you ALL have stepped up to a level we didn't expect or realize was possible.

Early next week will be busy with deciding next steps around hospice care, facility questions, and what's the right amount of therapy for Dad. Definitely trying to keep him very comfortable - which he is, thankfully, pain-free and resting easily. As hard as this time is, knowing that he could be a lot more uncomfortable really makes us thankful. The care he's receiving at Brookestone is exceptional, and the staff couldn't be more accommodating or helpful to us.

Old Neighbors Reunite

It's always good to see familiar faces. But when it's not planned, it's even better. Our old neighbor (and grandfather to good friends of ours from the 1970s) is next door to Dad at Brookestone. I just talked to Mom -- I'm enroute back to Portland for a 12 hour layover -- and she said she was seeing quite a few of the old crew.

Things with Dad remain the same. He's sleeping nearly all the time, so please don't worry about waking him up if you come to visit. Try a couple of times before giving up if you don't get a response. If we didn't wake him, he probably would sleep through meals and his speech and occupational therapy.

Probably this weekend we'll dig in to see what options we have for Dad if he's not able to stay at Brookestone per Medicare guidelines. I'm going to talk with the Oncology office tomorrow to see what suggestions they have for inpatient hospice care in the Omaha area. If any of you reading this have experience with that and have recommendations, please send me an email or make a comment here and I'll get in touch with you.

Final Note: A huge shout out to Jeff Rott in Portland for going above and beyond for me today. I somehow lost my car keys on the journey to Omaha last week, and he went to the house, got my spare set, and went down to put the spare key on the tire so that when I got in tonight I'd have a fast trip back to my house before shuttling back to PDX tomorrow morning. Thanks also to Alice and Scott for their help in coordinating, and for the ride tomorrow. I hope someday to be able to repay you all for the generosity!

About the same as last night

Things with Dad continue to not be good. He's not really responding to questions or commands, but yet is still able to wake up enough to have some yogurt for breakfast. Definitely keeping him off of foods that require chewing right now, as he's just not able to focus long enough (or stay awake?) to chew it and then swallow. Even liquids pose some challenge, so they're watching closely so he doesn't aspirate.

He had a very quiet night, and the nursing staff helped get him cleaned up this morning.

I did leave Omaha early this morning, and am now in hot and humid Houston for the night. Then off to Portland tomorrow to get some things wrapped up there and grab some additional cold weather clothes, and back to Omaha on Friday. I'm currently looking for the keys to my car that is parked at the airport -- with no luck in finding them. I now have very good friends in Portland (Jeff, Alice & Scott) working out between them who is getting into my house to get the spare set, and driving down to meet me tomorrow night.

As we've learned the past 18 months, there are some great friends and neighbors that will bend over backwards to help in a time of need.